Eilen: A Child Prodigy
My mother said to me at a young age,
If you become a soldier, you'll be a general.
If you become a monk, you'll end up as the pope.
Instead I became a software engineer and wound up as Eilen.
Eilen is a young, motivated entrepreneur. Often referred to as the Tony Stark of the web by his peers. He comes from humble beginnings: a son of two immigrant parents who brought their children to the United States in 2007 to provide a better future for them.
Disclaimer notice: the information below may or may not be completely true.
Notable Feats
- I have single-handedly defended a small African village in Zimbabwe from a horde of feral beasts with nothing but a wooden spoon.
- My tears have purified water for societies in underprivileged areas without proper filtering facilities.
- I am a dynamic figure.
- I know the exact location of every food item in Trader Joe's.
- I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep standing up.
- I play the French Horn, I've been scouted by the New England Patriots, and I bat .400
- I speak Spanish to God, Italian to women, French to men, and German to my horse.
- I shave all those, and only those, who do not shave themselves. (Who shaves me?)
- I have written a
programthat can determine, from a description of an arbitrary computer program and an input, whether the program will finish running or continue to run forever. - I have transmuted base metals into gold.
- I have beaten IBM Watson in a game of Jeopardy.
"They said choose wisely, that's why I was chosen."
Art
At merely 4 years of age, my father put a brush in my left hand and a canvas in the other and said, "Son, the world is but an oyster to your imagination. It's up to you to find the pearls. Throw all the paint you can at it." I retorted, "Papa, I don't speak English yet." The following was the result of my groundbreaking work that would go on to revertebrate the art industry and usher in a century of post-neo-surrealism era.
la piña
Reminiscient of the Late Baroque era, this fine piece of Rococo art demonstrates the agony and the ecstacy of the human condition masterfully projected onto a pineapple.
el patriota
Commissioned by Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, this beautiful masterpiece contains shades of the Romanticim of the Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood era. As it has been well documented, Picasso drew inspiration from this pièce de résistance whilst painting La Vie.
What the Critics Are Saying
"No man could claim they had a fulfilling life without the privilege of crossing paths with Eilen."
"He's probably the best thing since sliced bread."
"He loves the name of honor more than he fears death."
"Some folks look at Eilen and see a certain swagger, which in Texas is called 'walking.'"
"The best way to describe Eilen is as a religious experience. Genius is not replicable. Inspiration, though, is contagious, and multiform - and even just to see, close up, power and fortitude made vulnerable to beauty is to feel inspired and (in a fleeting, mortal way) reconciled."
I heard no music,
'til the music was Eilen,
All love songs are true